dependency
by gemma smells like apple cake
Summary: a one shot on a rant that bella has with edward cause he so annoyingly tells her that every things perfect and she's not needy... wrong it's really badly written read at own caution - i posted more for me then anything else last chapter is the only one ne
1. Chapter 1

I woke as usual to two cold arms snaked around my waist a comfort that I was starting to gain a dependency on.

"Morning you"

"Morning my angel"

He breathed into my neck causing shivers to run down my spine. I turned in and nestled my head into his cold stone chest

"You know sometimes I wish you were more squishy"

"Well I'm sorry about that I could always leave…"

"No you're not going anywhere".

With all the force I could muster I planted my lips upon his cold ones, wrapping my self around when he tired to push me off. I knew that if he wanted me to let go there was nothing I could do to stop him, he was struggling just to irritate me. He stood up with me still coiled around him not even the slightest strain under my weight. This still shocked me and I would either be over conscious of my self around him or forget that not everyone else don't have his strength namely mike, who I had recently gotten close to. He had finally excepted that Edward was back and now we actually were friends. I didn't feel that he was waiting for my to get over Edward anymore that he was and always would be just a friend. Maybe it was due to his new girlfriend with whom he seemed smitten. Why was I thinking of mike? I tried to shake the thought out of my head. Edward who was still carrying me at that moment swung me around so that he could see my face, which obviously confused him more.

"Unwanted thought."

"And you thought that you could shake the thought out, you know Bella you always seemed to surprise me."

"In a good or bad way."

"Good always good your to perfect for anything about you to be bad, speaking of perfection what dose my Bella want to do to day."

"I don't know, how about we go to yours."

"Are you sure you want that"

"Let me guess Alice is just waiting to attack me with hair curlers or there's some sale and she thinks she can get away with spending money on me if it's slightly cheaper. Not taking into account that a 20 discount on something that count over a thousand dollars doesn't count as cheap."

"Can you read minds now too."

"No but I know Alice and I know she loves to torture me to bad that. Beside the spending money part I actually like shopping and I have gotten used to being trapped in a room all day while her and Rosalie play Barbie. Nothing phases me any more"

"Is that so, so you wouldn't mind if they take you away from me for the day"

"Well you could always join us if it shopping, and if it's makeover Bella time well I'll just have to suffer, I think I'm starting to gain a dependency on you"

"You say it like it a bad thing"

It is it's that bad that five minutes away from you starts to hurt, I don't wanna be that type of girl that can't be left alone, I want to have some independence to be able to stand on my own to feet"

Bella your not like that and its not like I don't want to spend every a minute away from you"

"You're missing the point"

"Well what is the point?"

"I don't know, well I do know but I don't know how to put it into words except to say I'm needy and I'm not sure I like it"

"You're not"

"Yes I am, I really am and I'm starting to realize how much, when you left I was a wreck it was like you died not left me I shouldn't have been like that I shouldn't have fallen apart like that I had responsibilities"

"I'm so sorry Bella there nothing I…"

"Don't interrupt me I'm ranking I need to get this out. Anyway so I was, well actually I was catatonic and then when being like that meant leaving, I woke up but it was like I was still asleep and then I clung to the first thing that gave me attention. Oh my god I'm such a bitch I strung Jake along I messed with his head. I'm still messing with his head and he was unquestionably loyal put up with all my crap and had to suffer through unrequited love. Fuck I'm a bitch, a slut without the sex. And when you came back I just pushed him aside, didn't even call to say I was back."

"Bella I don't think that you meant to hurt him"

"But I did."

"It's my fault…"

"Edward shut up I don't need your self pity." I stopped looking him in the eyes taking a deep breathe "We haven't really talked about when you left, about us, about our relationship, we just skipped it and got to the kissing not that I minded but Edward things happened while you were gone things changed, I changed"

"Do you still love me?"

"God Edward of coarse I love you, and yes I know you love me thanks to my epiphany, I really do but…"

"But"

"It's hard it's hard to trust you wont leave or something, not the point"

"Bella"

"Drop it Edward they're my issues and the only thing that will resolve it is time"

"You take all the time you need I'm here forever. I love you."

"I know I love you to, hey your distracting me"

"Sorry"

"Just shut up god how you frustrate me you and your smug know it allness well hey guess what your not always right… back to the point of this whole argument is that there are other people affected by us being together namely Jacob. Don't look at me like that I owe Jacob I owe him my life he was… he was my family."

I knew he was in love with me. And that to keep him, I had thought about actually being with him but now it was just something, simple family. Edward looked at me skeptically. I put my finger to his lips as he tried to speak ready to continue my… speech

"That's what he was to me, nothing more. I love you but I can't just stop talking to him. I have to fix this or get some closure at least he deserves. You can't tell me to forget or ignore him it's like telling you, you can't see Carlisle or Alice or any one else in yours he's family. But I'll try to work that out latter. Charlie, I hurt Charlie a lot and he's been a pretty cool dad, I need to fix that and rebuild trust with him. My friends at school I'm barley on speaking terms with a lot of them and then there your family. We have a lot to deal with before we can't get to the place we were before."

"I agree there are a lot of people who were affected by our separation but I believe all will work out in the end. But I was hoping we would be a little closer then last time"

"Well yes"

Edward brushed my cheek softly with his fingers then cupping my chin and pulling me to his lips. The coldness as always causing an electricity between us my breathing problem the only reason we stopped.

"I love you, so much so entirely I never knew I could feel this way you really have brought out my human side and only someone as wonderful and as perfect as you could do take. Problem is there's no on else like you so if you didn't exists I'd have never experience the happiness you brought me and would still be stuck in my starless night."

"You make me sound like some kind of … something that's important"

"Your are"

"Well that information doesn't solve my original problem that I have a dependency problem"

"It's only a problem cause you think it is, being together every minute of every day isn't that bad"

"No but I still am going to be more forceful with my side of an argument or sometimes tell you to piss off so I can have some only time or go shopping. I'm going to find some independence and put my foot down about more thing weather you like it or not"

"I think you're cute when you put your foot down"

"Shut up Edward come on where going to your house so Alice can attack me already"

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**authors note: ok so i love who ever reviews this story which might or might not be a one shot i don't know tell me cause i do have an idea. while writing this i was reading eslicpe don't worry no spoilers but its just i really have a soft spot for jacob he really gets the bad point of the stick and he's really lovable. i realise that alot of the hate for jacob is he's trying to take bella away from edward but if you ignore all of that and look at his character i think you'll fall in love with him to so cause i was bored i wrote a 20 reasons why we love jacob its very superfisal but i was drunk with friends and this is what we came up with review me please and thank you to "not done baking" for the spots on my spelling love ya lots ****  
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**20 ReAsOnS WhY We LoVe JaCoB**

1. He's tall come on tall guy's are hot

2. He's native America again hot

3. He was unconditionally there for Bella

4. He's a new werewolf and fights so hard to control his emotions so he can be there for Bella

5. He can fix cars (ok so lots of guys can do this but a girls gotta appreciate)

6. He acts like a puppy and you gotta love that

7. He's protective

8. He's funny

9. He really cares about friends, family, Bella

10. He's warm can't you just imagine hugging him on cold days a walking hot water bottle

11. He's not pushing (werewolf + height and strength don't have to obey to many rules)

12. He's in love with Bella unrequited love is so cute

13. He's a werewolf that alone is pretty cool

14. He's very perceptive

15. He's hot and tall and native America girls gotta love a little colour

16. He's a little bit of a rebel but's a good guy at heart (bad is fun but safe is good to)

17. He's a real friend

18. He's not superstitious

19. He has friends who are funny tall and native America

20. He's the hero of the book we love who stops Bella from practically killing herself and for that we are eternally grateful because the book in Bella's perspective and with out her no book

We love you Jacob


	2. Chapter 2 some kind of plan

Authors note: hehe I added a chapter, why because I got reviews yay!!!!!!!!!! Anyway hopefully there are no spoilers in here for eclipse but I did write it after so you have been warned. I did use it though because some of my "issues" are dealt with in it. This is still set before Jacob brought the bikes back though. So read at your own risk, I have also decided to add at the end of this "20 reasons why we love Edward" and I think if there are any more chapters I'll continue this tradition. Chow

**Disclaimer: I own nothing and thank your lucky stars for that hehe  
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Today was the day to put my plan in action, ok so it wasn't really a plan but just something I felt needed resolving.

My neediness

Something that I hated about myself. I didn't want to be that girl, if I was I might as well have just been the one that gets married straight out of high school and ends up pregnant 3 months later not ever going to happen at least not with Edward but I still shuddered at the first part.

This problem was only highlighted by Edwards dare I say it …proposal. Did he want me to be that girl? Well tuff luck to him I wasn't even going to think about… that question no, no, no.

Ok so the plan was simple and it may give me brownie points with Charlie. I hated fighting with him I really did. And that fact that I only had a limited amount of time with him made me feel worse so he wanted me to be more social AKA away from Edward, I would be.

I pulled out a pen and paper ready to write out my however many step program on how to cure my infliction, that Edward said was either cute or didn't exist I couldn't seem to remember on which stand he finally took after my overly melodramatic rant the night before.

_Step 1: start trying to call Jacob and not to stop no matter what happened_. He'd been such a good friend more then I ever deserved he was my sunshine when I was in the black hours of a new moon. I would never give up, I would never stop trying.

_Step 2: try, try and again try to get back on the good side of jess and my old group._ I really didn't count Lauren in that group. I needed some people to make this plan work. I wonder how much grovelling I would need to do to get back in jess good books she was the key to the rest of their forgiveness.

_Step 3: put more effort in my friendship with Angela and mike._ I loved Angela she was actually someone I would like to call a close friend I was going to miss her, and though mike still had trouble with the "were just friends" thing he was loyal. If I was good friends with Angela her boyfriend Ben would probably follow on with her example, and he was really nice, they were good together.

_Step 4: spend time away from Edward doing things that didn't involve thinking of him_. I really despised this step, but it was necessary, I needed to be able to do things for my self, and not run to him whenever things didn't go my way. So I didn't really do that exactly but when I was… well I depended on him too much emotionally it was like I couldn't be happy with out a man or someone to love me. I needed to grow a backbone.

Ok so those were the most important things written down anyway, more detail could come later. Now with my grounding which I completely respected and deserved I couldn't really plan to go out with friends with out Edward but I could actually _'god for bid'_ call someone other then Edward for once and talk to other people at school.

Tomorrow that part would be tested I'm sure Lauren would have a field day convincing people to ignore me and Edwards return would either hinder and help my cause, at least I had Angela and mike. I folded the paper neatly then threw it at my desk smirking at the stupidity of myself and how lame my manifesto was, I wondered what Edward would think and right on cue I heard three taps on the front door down stairs. Was it that time already, I rushed down stairs checking the mess that I was as I passed the mirror. Edward had turned me into a girl.

"Hello my love" his voice just a velvety as I remembered

"Hey I was just thinking about you"

"Something good I hope" a sly croaked smile grew to his ears I would have said it was the smile that I loved my smile but there was to much smugness behind it so I just glared as he took my hand and kissed it lightly.

" I don't know more then anything about how you annoy me

"I could always leave, if that's what you wanted" I knew he was only joking but my heart just didn't want to be rational I took a deep breathe and tired to suck up as much sarcasm as I could sarcasm was a safe tone

"Sure you could, but we both know that you have a problem respecting my wants" there hopefully that hid my distress though I wasn't exactly sure what I had said

"Bella…"he brushed his fingers across my cheek, I let my self have a quick glance in his eyes. Nope he wasn't fooled stupid vampire hearing. His eyes were full of guilt and a gut wrenching sadness. Why couldn't I just get over my issues?

"I love you"

"I love more"

"Whatever I don't really feel like getting into this debate right down, I have some thing I want to discuss"

"And what is that"

"I'm going to avoid you twice a week, school night of course and its going to kill me but my inflict that we… discussed last night needs to be resolved and I think this will do for starters"

"For starters" his eye's looked pained I hope he didn't think I wanted to be away from him was he really that - not stupid - not understanding of my motives

"Oh don't worry I'm not having my cure involve any more time away from you then that its just that this is all I can do while being grounded"

His face was suddenly ruled by an array of emotional expression I thought that now might be the best time to show him my stupid "manifesto" adding all the commentary I had given it in my head hopefully that would help him understand.

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**Authors note: ok what did we think be cruel I know its bad, but it was hard to right, I could see it so clearly in my head, Bella and Edward are kinda rude when they there yelling words in your head hehe yes I know I'm crazy ok so here's my "20 blar blar blar...**

**oh any spelling error's or stuff like that let me know and i'll fix them Chow xoxoxoxoxo**

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**20 ReAsOnS wHy We LoVe EdWaRd**

1. He's tall 6f? (If you haven't guess I have a thing for height)

2. Since he's from the olden times he's all about the shivery

3. He's a vampire that refuses to drink human blood

4. He's a brooding male (gotta love the self hate till it turns emo yuck)

5. He has impressive self control

6. He tries really hard to get over jealousy

7. He'd never let you fall

8. He'd rather live life in misery then take away belle's chance at happiness (so it don't work out the way he intended it's the thought that counts)

9. He's painstakingly beautiful - hot isn't the right word for his looks

10.Edward is creative and can play the piano (who doesn't want their own song)

11.He's kind

12.He's cocky – ok so some would say that's a bad thing but it works for him

13.His vulnerability - all his walls come down when he's around Bella who doesn't find that so cute sigh

14.He's strong

15.He's a vampire, since the days of buffy and interview with a vampire who hasn't wanted one

16.He loves his family

17.He's a nosy know it all, its just fun when they don't get to know everything his quirks are endearing

18.He's protective and caring, one of those guys that get worked up over a scraped knee

19.Bella's blood is do intoxicating to him its painful and yet he love her to much to ever think about ever wanting to drain her blood

20.He's the prince charming of the story for all us girls to swoon over and go gaga, he also has faults so that we can even better picture our self with. His absolute love for Bella causes goose bumps and gives us hope that some where there's an Edward for us

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**Authors note: ok sorry i had to put one more in i kinda like authors notes (yes i'm weird i thought we'd already stated that fact) i always read them so any way review please so i have so idea of whats good and whats not oh and i this the last chapter i have recieved like a whole heap of reviews that just say i hate jacob what was the point of that oh well i think i still sent you replys anyway um oh just so your warned if you send me a review as all the people who have have learned i'm very talkative long messages and more then one hehe**  



	3. Chapter 3 what was i thinking

**authors note: ok this is the last part of my very badly written half rant about bella in between newmoon and eclipse. because now all the books are out and i know whats to happen after this i think this chapter reflects just a little bit of this. really i just felt like i wanted to finish it. and wow reading over it again i'm like wow my writting is sucking in the first chapter i think i'm going to re-write this story because the idea i think holds more ture for me now and is my only critism of the book yes bella was in love but she hurt people and she was overly dependent on edward reasurence of his love anyway enjoy and don't kill me i'm actully going to write more fanfic's from now on so be on the look out for updates but this story is finished but not with out one more twenty reasons list.**

Edward and I sat watching YouTube videos at his house

Edward and I sat watching YouTube videos at his house. Yes this wasn't our usually activity but I decided last night being away from Edward sucked and instead in would do something less drastic and strange.

New step 1: do things with Edward I didn't usually do- how I wish these things could be sexual

Now how did this help me with my stupid dependency problem? Well it didn't really but I was just buying time. My real plan now was to avoid – well not avoid but spend less time with him at school. Today was of course not part of the plan as I had already stayed away from him for more then my nerves could handle at this point but starting tomorrow I would not sit with him at lunch he was helping by doing homework and assignments that usually took him all of 15 minutes to complete- stupid vampire speediness.

Edward was being really helpful with my plan and I think he understood – well as much as you could understand from my nonsensical rant the other day. Even I didn't understand what I was going on about.

The night away really was probably a good thing because now I new what the problem was. Besides missing Jacob and feeling incredibly guilty for his pain I also felt ashamed of my self. Loving Edward wasn't a bad thing and yes I did love him with all my heart more then my heart could contain. But I felt weak. I was so broken when he was gone.

Ok so even if thing were different and I had really made more of an effort with my friends before he left it still would have ripped me apart but I just wanted to fool myself to make myself believe that I was trying to change, For Jacob. I never wanted to hurt someone that way again. I also needed to have a back up plan. Ok Edward was never going to leave me again but my brain wasn't close enough to my heart for it to be completely reassured. Edward didn't trust my love or my complete willingness to become a vampire. I wouldn't need this plan to work but it still needs to happen for sanities sake.

Issue to was Charlie. He wanted me away from Edward. Of course I wouldn't do that but I would humor him to an extent. I wondered if he would let me go see Jacob.

It wasn't going to happen I didn't want to hurt Edward either grrrrr.

"Bella what are you concentrating so hard on, your missing the ninja video" looking up into the golden orbs I was lost

"Sorry, just thinking about really pointless things, plans within plans and plots with Jacob"

"Planning on running away with him now" he laughed as he said this but there was a strange edge to his voice – jealousy

"Of course not, just wondering if Charlie would be more lenient about me seeing him"

"Bella" he turned on the full force of his face. Oh how I wished that I could get somewhat used to it

"No worries Edward I still have time to escape" I pulled my self up right and swung my leg over his so I was straddling his. Soon he would draw a line but I hadn't even kissed him yet so I was hoping I'd get a little more breathing space.

Kissing Edward was strange it never became familiar but never unfamiliar. It was always so electric as the first time but at least the awkward had gone. His stone cold lips moved gentling and mine molded to his. I longed for the day where I could hold my own. My tongue didn't even act on my accord this time and I was again annoyed that my stupid instincts were stronger then any prolonging strategic idea I came up with. He pulled away and was breathing heavy it matched my own.

His look was accusing but strangely smug. We had played this game time and time again. I wish it didn't have to be a game anymore.

" I'm not going to apologize" he opened his lips to speak but I shushed him "let me finish, I'm not going to apologize because I love you and I know you love me, and I will keep pushing the boundaries every time because I love you, and I know the last few days I've been strange and I know you didn't understand my outburst. But I think I'm going to be ok, because right now my heart and my head are at the same place. I hurt people while you were away but I'll fix it, I became helpless but I'm not going to be now and one day I will join you in the vampire world and be your equal. So I want you to promise me that you will never doubt my heart again, because really that's the only way I'll ever have a dependency problem. Because I'll be sure of you

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20 reasons we love leah

1. she survived a major heart break

2. she really was wronged by the whole werewolf -well shapeshifter curse

3. she then had to become the very thing that broke her heart

4. then hear the thoughts and pity of the one who broke her heart

5. she annoying the WW bro's they can't be happy all the time

6. she has a spunking additude whish is fun when she not in so much pain

7. she will give the boys the female perspectic if they are ever smart enough to listen

8. she's strong

9. she's pretty

10. she makes it hell for anyone caught going over her naked image

11. she's a good sister

12. she makes her own decisions

13. she will be pratical about her opinions e.g tollerating the cullens

14. she get rosalie and her motives

15. she might not have the choice for kids

16. she had to deal with everyone dealing with her possible pregancy

17. she is a fighter

18. she the only female werewolf.

19. she's faster then jacob

20. she's leah

in BD i really began to love her character like i liked her before but wow. so i decided she was deserving of her own list and really this is the best list i have come up with don't you think even though i know these lists are a waste of time there fun to try and come up with 20 different things

ciao xoxoxoxoxoxo


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